you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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