Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
