I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
