dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
