how do flat chested girls get laid?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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