Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize