If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
