My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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