You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
