look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
