we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
