i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
