I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
