some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
