I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
