My liver just broke up with me...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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