I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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