You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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