She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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