Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
