I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
