left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
