just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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