so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Randomize
