rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
