You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
