Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
