I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
