Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
