Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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