you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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