please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
