hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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