I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize