when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
