Do you still have your period?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
