Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
