I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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