In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
