The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
