i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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