Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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