She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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