i just wanna soil my oats bro
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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