There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
