the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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