I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
