Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
