My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
