that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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