why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
