you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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