i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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