he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.