she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.