your thong is hanging out like whoa
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.