you guys were way drunker than both of me
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.