listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have aggressive nipples.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
