Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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