Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
