i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
