you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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