Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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