i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize