I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
