I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
