yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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