I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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