that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
