Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
