alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
